Think of You Later
by Stac1043
Summary: Tumblr prompt from anon: Finn POV, either before he and Rae had their talk in the bathroom where he keeps trying to find her so that everyone knows they're together. Or after he gives back Bowie to Rae and how he struggles to cope with seeing her around but not being together in a romantic relationship.
1. Think Of You Later

***Episode 2 Spoilers***

Title is Every Avenue song "Think of You Later."

* * *

He was talking to his mates from the football team during the second week of college. Rather, they were talking whilst Finn's attention was spent on each passing person as he examined the crowds for long black hair and a plaid or black leather jacket. His Rae. His heart would speed up and then drop in his chest each time he thought he'd seen her.

Each phone call to her house was intercepted by her mum or Karim. Karim still couldn't speak or understand English clearly enough and Finn hung up frustrated each time he picked up. Rae's mum, however, told him she was sick. He wasn't buying it. There was something else wrong and he wanted to know what it was. He hadn't seen her in a fucking week. He was Rae-deprived and he needed to refuel.

He didn't understand why Rae kept pushing vodka on him that night at his house, either. He thought it would be the day that he and Rae would finally have sex. She let him touch her at her house before, so why would she be nervous now? Yeah, sex is a bit different but he would be gentle. The first time, he grinned to himself.

They were having a good time looking through his old photo albums whilst music played. But the photo of Stacey changed the atmosphere in the room. She wouldn't let him kiss her like he wanted to. She was pulling away and pouring him drink.

He wanted to be sober for her. For their first time.

He wanted to be completely aware of every inch of her body as he caressed it and kissed it. He wanted to memorize each freckle and love her so hard she forgot her own name.

But he got pissed and fell asleep. He couldn't even enjoy waking up to her with the pounding hangover he had which caused him to rush out of bed and nearly miss being sick into the toilet.

It was late in the second week when he finally did come across her. But she pulled him into the disabled toilet so they wouldn't be seen. Was she embarrassed by him?

She rushed away from the bathroom when the door finally was opened. She didn't look back, just walked away, leaving him hurt. Why did she need a reason for him to fancy her? He just couldn't understand no matter how hard he tried. He was in a piss-poor mood the rest of the day. He shoved away the girls who tried to touch him and ignored the ones that talked to him. Why couldn't they just leave him the fuck alone? If they weren't Rae, he wasn't having any of it.

Later that day after college let out he met Chop at The Swan where they sat in a booth both nursing Fosters.

"I don't fucking get it, Chopper," he said drawing designs into the condensation on his stein. "What is going on with us? I thought we were doing great."

Chop shot Finn a curt smile. "Finn, mate… Raemundo's ill."

Finn's head shot up to look at Chop. "She said she was better. She said she wasn't ill anymore."

"And you're buying that bollocks? Do you not watch her when you two are out in public?"

"Of course I do. As if I could look at anything else," Finn smiled, reminiscing of just the other day when the two sat in the same pub kissing. Oblivious to the world around them.

Chop shook his head. "You really don't notice her constantly looking around?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Mate… Rae's not better. I'm not going to pretend that I understand what goes through her head, but she's still sick. You're lovesick. You don't notice her looking around when you're holding hands, touching her, kissing her… She's watching the reaction of everyone around you guys. And do you not see their reactions?"

Finn shook his head slowly. Surely Chop is wrong.

Chop sighed. "People around you two laugh, they make grossed-out faces. And sometimes Izzy and me can hear what they say. 'He must be desperate. Chubby chaser. She must be good in bed. He's being paid to go out with her…' And that's the nicer stuff, Finn. People are fucking cruel and you are oblivious to it whilst Raemundo sees and hears it all. She's fucking lived it. And no matter how many fuckers I say something to, they will not see what the gang does. They don't see how amazing a lass Rae is like we do. They see her and think the worst.

"Finn, she was in a mental home because she hurt herself. Do you not understand how much someone has to hate themselves to try – let alone want – to kill themselves? No matter what she's said, mate, Raemundo is still sick."

Finn stared at Chop in disbelief, his brain working on overdrive to try and process the information.

"How come you saw all of this and I didn't?"

"Izzy, Archie, and me have been watching. _You_, my dear Finn, are a lovestruck fool," Chop grinned at him.

"What do I do?" Finn asked helplessly.

"I don't know, mate," he shrugged. "She needs to get better before anything. That's what's most important. Have you two even had sex yet?"

"No. She kept pushing me away and then she kept giving me drink. I got pissed and fell asleep."

"It's a crutch," Chop said.

"Is that why she's avoiding me at college? She doesn't want to be seen with me…"

"Because people are arseholes, to put it nicely. They're going to make fun of you two."

"But I want to be seen with her! I fucking love her, Chop! I don't care what people think about us. I just want to be with Rae," Finn shouted, causing heads at surrounding tables to glance in their direction.

Chop stood up from his chair and clapped Finn on his shoulder.

"But she does. Raemundo's putting you before herself. Listen, I'm sorry but I got to go. My break's over in ten and I've got to head back to the shop."

"Yeah. Thanks, Chopper. See ya."

Finn sat at the booth for another half hour absorbing his conversation with Chop. Why would she lie to him about being better? He just wants to be with her. The cunts at college can go fuck themselves if they think they're going to mess with his girl. He shrugged on his plaid jacket as he stood up from his chair. He grinned to himself as he remembered that his favorite jacket, the leather one, is sitting with Rae. His Rae.

Hours later he was calling after Rae who was walking away from him after taking his heart out of his chest.

Between then and leaving the pub Finn had come to the conclusion that he would tell Rae exactly why he liked her. No. Why he loved her. He'd spent the few hours making a comprehensive list of every little feature about her. He'd been starting a list for a mixtape he would make her. The first song would be Spaceman. That was their song. It was followed by songs like Wonderwall, Champagne Supernova, Fade Into You, The Way You Do The Things You Do… It was quite the mixtape he was going to produce and give to her at college the next day before he kissed her in front of the student body. She would grin and kiss him back before taking his hand march him around campus proudly.

Instead, he was standing in his drive with tears forming in his eyes as he clutched his leather jacket in his hands.

A couple days later he would give her Bowie back and tell her he couldn't be friends with her right then. He would walk away from her with his hand desperately gripping that comprehensive list as she still sat on the swing.

It would be another week before Rae got the courage to play Bowie again and crinkle her brows together as Spaceman started and cry as the tape continued. At the same time in his room, Finn would glance over at his record player where the real Bowie CD sat atop the list that continued to grow as he thought of more.


	2. Somewhere in Neverland

Title is All Time Low song "Somewhere in Neverland."

It gets sappy.

* * *

It'd been a month since Finn told Rae he couldn't be friends with her. Three weeks since she'd been nearly kicked out of college for setting off the fire alarm for the second time. (Though they didn't know the first time was her.)

Three weeks of Rae listening to Finn's mixtape whilst scribbling furiously in her new diary.

Three weeks of a Rae-less Finn who had long since regretted saying he couldn't be her friend right then. But he was heartbroken. He had every right. Right?

He just didn't have the courage to walk up to her at college and just begin talking as if they didn't break up after the greatest few weeks of the summer. Why couldn't things just go back to how they were?

Since they'd broken up, Rae hadn't been around. She wasn't at the pub with the gang anymore, she didn't hang with Izzy, Chloe, or Archie at college, and she ignored Finn if they ever were in one another's sight.

Archie had actually been exiled from the gang. Ever since Izzy told Chop that she'd heard Archie laughed at Simmy's "magic fanny" comment and Chop threw him up against the wall of the pub and busted his lip, he hasn't been around either. Finn couldn't believe that Archie would do that to Rae. They were best mates but he threw her under the bus like that. Finn had his own go at Archie when he learned about it. He'd angrily rode his scooter to Archie's house where he gave him two black eyes. Archie just stood there and took it. He didn't say a word until Finn walked away.

"I'm sorry," Archie had said pathetically. "I fucked up."

But Rae had someone else in her life. Finn looked around for her at college every day and his heart stopped in his chest when the day after they broke up he saw her sitting at a table with a curly haired guy. Some Irish sod named Liam who's apparently known for being the bad boy of the college. He's always seen out behind the buildings smoking and bitching at teachers with a "fuck-this" attitude.

Why was Rae with him? Was she over Finn already?

Finn's hands clenched and he fought with every fibre of his being to not go over there and just steal her away.

But she's not his anymore.

That first day he just turned his back to her; missing her looking up and seeing him. It was him who went behind the buildings that day for a smoke.

Did she leave because of something he did? Was he pressuring her too much?

He tore the ciggy from between his lips and threw it to the ground, angrily smashing it beneath his foot as he slammed his fist against the brick wall and then kicked it.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed as he grabbed his wrist in pain.

"Careful, mate. Might hurt yourself," he heard from beside him.

He turned quickly to see none other than the Irish sod lighting up his own fag, an amused smirk on his face.

"How- How is she?" Finn asked.

Liam took a long drag before responding.

"Who?"

"Rae."

"You tell me."

Finn was getting frustrated again.

"How is she?" he repeated.

Liam shrugged before taking another long drag. Finn stared at him for a moment before realizing he wasn't going to answer. He heard Liam laughing as he walked away.

He met with Chop and Izzy that night at the pub.

"Alright, Finn?" Izzy asked.

"S'pose so," he supplied, taking a large gulp of his pint.

"Right, mate. Iz and I were thinking of heading out to Skegness this weekend. Get a bit of sun in before Autumn really starts to bite us in the arse. Fancy it?

"Sure, sounds good," Finn nodded. Finally, he had something to look forward to.

The Friday before Skegness was one of Finn's first matches of the season. He was walking from the changing room to the field when he noticed Liam and Rae ahead of him. Liam caught Finn's eye over Rae's shoulder, who's back was to Finn. He made a motion with his hand, trying to tell Finn to stop.

"How've you been, Alarm Girl?" he heard Liam ask.

"Horrible," she said.

"Then why'd you do it? Why did you break up with him?"

"I had to do it before we got so deep we couldn't be around each other anymore."

"But _why_?" he pressed.

Finn stood absolutely still, not making a sound as he listened.

"I- I just don't get why he liked me. I don't understand how he could ignore the looks everyone was giving us. Not just at school but everywhere else. Maybe he couldn't hear the whispers or see the looks but I did. Why would someone subject themselves to that? And it's not just other people, but myself. It makes me physically ill to look at myself in a mirror; I can't even look at myself naked. So why would someone else want to? I have stretchmarks all over my body. Not just my stomach but they circle around my back, they're on my arms, my calves. When I move, everything jiggles and it keeps jiggling after I stop moving. It's not just my ginormous tits! When you touch me, you don't get silky smooth skin, you get a handful of fat."

"I'm embarrassed for him. He should be with someone who's confident and thin enough that they get jealous and happy looks instead of disgusted ones. He deserves more than just some fat, mad girl. He deserves someone who's worthy of him. Someone who's not me."

As she was speaking, Finn was slowly walking until he was standing right behind her. Rae looked up at Liam to see him smirking at her.

"Oi, why are you laughing, you cock?" she asked.

Liam didn't say anything but lifted his eyebrow and moved his gaze past her. Rae turned around quickly, coming face-to-face with Finn.

"Finn."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"How much did you hear?" she asked quietly.

"All of it," he said. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"It's not that easy. You don't deserve to have to go through all of that. You need someone who's normal, who hasn't been in a mental home."

"Fuck _normal_! What hurts most is that my girlfriend thought so little of me that she broke up with me. That instead of talking to me, she walked away. You know who it was that told me about the other people, Rae?" he asked, his raised so high they disappeared behind his hair.

"No," Rae whispered, looking away.

"Chop. He told me that I was such a lovesick fool that I didn't notice anything but you. But what I also don't get is how the summer was so different. You had no problem kissing me in front of people then, so why was college so different?"

"School was when I got really bad. I was always getting bullied by everyone." She was wringing her hands, still unable to look at him. "I noticed people during the summer but… I don't know."

Finn looked down at her hands, noticing she was unable to stop fiddling with them. Parts were red from her scratching and her skin starting to peel from the irritation. He quickly grabbed each of her hands and soothingly rubbed his thumbs along the tops of hers. She let out a shaky breath.

"Calm down, you're fine, Rae," he said softly, her hands shaking in his.

She closed her eyes and tried to calm her breathing.

"Rae, listen to me, yeah?" She opened her eyes, staring into his mesmerizing chocolaty brown irises. "I want you. I don't give a flying fuck what the other people have to say about us because they don't matter. I understand that you're still ill but I will not give up on you. You are going to get better and I will be right there with you."

"I'm so sorry," Rae whispered as tears leaked from her eyes.

Finn shook his head. "Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for, Rae. I just want you to understand that you are all I want. You don't think that you're special but I think you're fucking perfect for me. One day, you are going to understand that it's me and you against the world and we are going to come out on top because we are worth fighting for."

Rae hiccupped as she tried to fight back more tears from falling.

"So, what do you say… Will you take me back?" Finn asked, releasing one of her hands and running his fingers through her hair, stopping at the base of her neck.

"Nelson!" a boy yelled from down the corridor. "Coach is looking for you!" It was one of his teammates.

Finn groaned and turned around. "I'll be there in a few, I'm busy right now."

"He's not going to like it," he boy said.

"Jamison, fuck off!" Finn yelled back angrily. Jamison held his arms up in surrender before running off. Finn turned back to Rae.

"Sorry. So, will you?" he asked again.

Rae put her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, her face buried in the crook of his neck as his arms wrapped around her waist.

"I missed you, Rae" he said against her hair.

"I missed you, too," she mumbled.

Finn reluctantly pulled away but kept his arms around her.

"Want to come to my match? I might get to play if we leave now."

Rae grinned and grabbed his hand, pulling them in the direction of the field.

Two hours later, the team had Finn raised in the air as they cheered. He'd scored the winning goal.

One week later, Rae would forgive Archie and they'd be best mates again. (He would come out at graduation to the gang).

Six years later, Rae would be standing at an Oasis concert in London reading a 10 page note from Finn.

_She was gone. I lost her. And I don't know if she's ever coming back. Here's to hoping she'll read this one day and know that she is the only one and she is perfect._

_She's the one who made everything bad disappear. She made me feel wanted, loved. She was the girl that took my breath away and made me forget my own name when her lips were attached to mine._

_She made me feel powerful when her breath caught as I ran my fingers down her arm. How she would tense and then relax into my touch. How her heart would race as I kissed down her neck._

_I had the same reaction to her. My heart skipped a beat and I couldn't hold back a grin when she'd write messages on me. My breathing would get heavy when she whispered things in my ear._

_But where had that all gone? She's no longer mine. I lost the one person that made me feel whole. Without her, I don't feel right; and before her, it felt like something was missing._

When she would finish reading and move the papers, Finn would come into view in front of her on one knee.

"So, what do you say?" he would grin.

"Sappy sod," she would laugh before launching herself at him.


End file.
